i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
