What did we do last night that was yellow?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
