No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't put those talents on a resume
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
