i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
did you just send me my own nude
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
