She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
