Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
