Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
