You're so nebulous sometimes
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
