saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
