508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
