Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize