Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize