if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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