the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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