So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize