he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
