my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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