So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
