I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
