There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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