So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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