Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
