So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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