I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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