I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
