Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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