This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
