Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The Olympian is in my bed
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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