There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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