she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this will be a night to untag.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
