you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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