he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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