oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
