Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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