Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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