I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
where are you?
Hypothermia
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
