tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
