Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
