I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
