Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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