His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
