she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
