so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
