I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I need to stop coming to work sober
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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