This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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