well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
