nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
