What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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