I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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