I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
