Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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