Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
