ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
