Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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