well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
