It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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