gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
