I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just pee around me
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize