I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
