my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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