My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
