If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
