I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
