I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize