he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
cat food counts as protein by the way
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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