i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
