Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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