it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You took a bar mat shot.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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