before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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