It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She announced her abortion via fbk
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
