Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
