remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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