Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
