Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
