So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
