Do you still have your period?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
