my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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