I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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