I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize