Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
