I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
