she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
