I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
