I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the day after is always just damage control
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize