remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
