AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Everclear isn't food dammit
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
