Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
