Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
