if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
