Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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