Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
