I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
