I want to have your abortion
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
