It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
