no, he came in my armpit
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
