He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
