i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I supernannyed him into submission
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
