Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
