Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
