White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
