a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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