This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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