Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
